Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
