the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
