Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
