Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
