I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
