I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
