he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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