Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
