Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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