you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
