the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
