ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
