im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
