Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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