I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
