i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
