she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
