I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my shit smells like andre
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize