He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
