Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
