He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think I sprained my soul last night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
