I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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