i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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