I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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