just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
