Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
