super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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