I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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