Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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