I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
