drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
