Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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