Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
