The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
