She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
