Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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