i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
