this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
