I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize