I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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