I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
