I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
