That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
