Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
