a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
