She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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