Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
