my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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