Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
