I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
porn star boner night. come get it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize