He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
