Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
