you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize