You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am spending my child support on dildos
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
