I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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