she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
