She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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