the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
