Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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