I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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