just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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