Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
