So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
