You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
