Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
