I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
