Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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