It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
