When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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