i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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