It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
