I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
