I showed him my bush... on skype.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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