lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
