yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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