Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
