I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize