The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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