it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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