I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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