It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
