Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
