Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
