omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
