I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this boner is exhausting
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
