Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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