The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
