Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
