so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
