Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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