he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
